How to Set Boundaries Around the Holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time, especially when you are healing your relationship with food.

Talk of diets, food and weight are often brought up. Although we cannot control what people say, do or act, we can control how we choose to respond! Learn what boundary setting can look like during the holiday season and how to effectively communicate them to loved ones.

Personal boundaries are lines we draw for ourselves based on our own comfort level as well as basic guidelines of how we want to be treated. Setting boundaries is a part of self-care. Boundaries are important and can help you to feel safe and protected, especially during more distressful times. Boundaries can look different depending on the situation, environment or person you are speaking with.

For example, boundary setting may include communicating your needs and what you are and are not willing to accept. It may also look like walking away from a conversation about diets or not engaging in conversations about someone’s recent weight loss. Remember, we cannot control what people say or think but we can control what we do next and how we respond.

Boundary setting may look like:

1) Changing the subject

Example: Aunt Jane says, “Can you believe how many people lost weight on Ozempic?! I am trying to get some from my doctor.”

You can respond with: "Wait! tell me about your new job or how is your friend Anne doing? I was just thinking about her."

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2) Adding a neutral or positive spin

Ex: Uncle Jeff says, "ugh, this sweet potato pie is going to make me gain 10 pounds. No carbs for me tomorrow!"

You can respond with: "sweet potato pie is one of my favorites! This one in particular is so delicious."

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3) Walking away or removing yourself from the conversation

Example: Your cousin won't stop talking about all of the latest diet trends on TikTok that she wants to try in the New Year despite you attempting to change the subject multiple times.

You can respond by simply walking away. Go to the kitchen for seconds, use the restroom, pull out your phone. Be sure to have an escape plan.

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4) Setting a firm boundary

Example: Mom keeps commenting on your food or portion size.

You can respond with: "you know mom, I am really working hard on healing my relationship with food and I would appreciate if you could try to limit some of the diet and food talk around me"

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​5) Internal boundaries

You may not feel comfortable creating boundaries and that is ok! Can you create your own internal boundaries? Consider having affirmations on hand or giving yourself a pep talk before walking into dinner.

Remember, in healing your own relationship with food, you will likely start to plant seeds around you.​ You may spark curiosity with family members and friends when they learn you are no longer dieting.

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Some things to consider:

  • Brainstorm conversation topics beforehand so you have them in your back pocket when an uncomfortable topic comes up.

  • Recruit an ally! Is there someone in your family you feel comfortable and safe with? Let them know that you are working on your relationship with food and feel worried about being around diet talk. Can they help steer away the conversation around weight and diet as well?

  • Create a game plan and/or an escape plan. I don’t mean running away from your family dinner but rather know when it is time to go out for fresh air, text a friend, use the bathroom, or leave early.

  • Role play with your therapist, dietitian or friend beforehand so you feel well equipped for uncomfortable conversations. Using role play prior to an event can help calm the nerves.

  • If you are hoping to create an open dialogue with someone, ask yourself, are they teachable or reachable? If not, it may be best to preserve your energy.

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship with food and are looking for additional support and guidance, I encourage you to reach out for a 15 minute complimentary call to see how I can support you. You don't have to do this work on your own!

Brittany Modell